Archive for the 'Clinton' Category

How to Celebrate Presidents’ Birthdays, Part 2

November 22, 2011

Today, we continue with our look at how and when to celebrate the birthdays of presidents who aren’t Lincoln or Washington.

July 11 – John Quincy Adams: Spread some rumors about the wife of the guy at work you don’t like.
July 14 – Gerald Ford: Tackle a Heisman winner.
August 10 – Herbert Hoover: Talk to your kids about the Hawley-Smoot Tariff.
August 19 – Bill Clinton: Be cool, man, just be cool.
August 20 – Benjamin Harrison: Enjoy the creme from some Oreos (or other comparable sandwich cookies).
August 27 – Lyndon B. Johnson: Get yourself some new tailored pants.
September 15 – William Howard Taft: Bust something large.
Ocotber 1 – Jimmy Carter: Peanut party! (With plenty of salt.)
October 4 – Rutherford B. Hayes: Make a compromise if you have the opportunity to.
October 5 – Chester A. Arthur: Shots!
October 14 – Dwight D. Eisenhower: Go to the beach.
October 27 – Theodore Roosevelt: Be a man all over the place.
October 30 – John Adams: Dress up as a lawyer and defend some Englishmen against public opinion.
November 2 – (Two options) James K. Polk: Discuss your property lines with your neighbors. Warren G. Harding: Abstain from drinking for a while, but sneak some when no one’s looking.
November 19 – James A. Garfield: Do some curls, play some football.
November 23 – Franklin Pierce: Look great, but make terrible decisions.
November 24 – Zachary Taylor: Cherries and milk for everyone!
December 5 – Martin van Buren: Grow some distinctive facial hair and talk about Andrew Jackson.
December 28 – Woodrow Wilson: Settle an argument between some friends.
December 29 – Andrew Johnson: Rebuild part of your house.

Presidents’ Favorite Costumes

October 31, 2011

In this special Halloween Night journal posting, LP investigates the favorite costumes of several of the presidents.

-John Adams: a vampire
-Martin Van Buren: Andrew Jackson
-Abraham Lincoln: ninja
-William Howard Taft: a judge
-Franklin D. Roosevelt: Prof. X
-Richard Nixon: zombie Richard Nixon
-Ronald Reagan: cowboy
-Bill Clinton: hobo

Happy America Day 2011: A History of the Hot Dog and Presidents’ Favorite Hot Dog Condiments

July 4, 2011

For the third straight America Day, more popularly known as Independence Day or “July 4th,” LP takes a special look back at the holiday that not only made the United States what it is today, but also represents Americans as a people. So sit back with your mustard-and-relish-slathered hot dog, your homemade charcoal-grilled bacon doublecheeseburger, your ale of choice, and your sixer of antacid, and please enjoy this special America Day list (and a bonus history).

Of course, the most American way to celebrate America Day is with a good, old-fashioned American hot dog, and the presidents from Washington onward recognized this.  Of course, the hot dog itself only became available to the general public in the early 20th century, but its history goes back much, much further than that.

When the Articles of Confederation were ratified in 1781, the following passage was included in them:

Upon a certain passage of Time, those most respeckted [sic] and honourable Senior Members of this Government will have earned the privilege of consuming a special Dish, prepared specifically for…this Nation.

The food was intended as a reward for long-serving elected representatives who had performed their duties admirably and honestly.  Soon after the passage of the Articles, however, it was quickly forgotten, as no one was sure exactly how to implement it.  The government would get as far as naming a Chef General in 1783, but who he was has been lost to history.  His only official creation, though, would be what we know as today as the hot dog.

When the Articles were abandoned for the Constitution in 1787, the passage was dropped due to the predominant thought that it was a joke that was overlooked (many of the delegates at the Constitutional Convention would actually refer to the “Dish Passage” as a metaphor for the Articles of Confederation).  Years later, after the election of Washington, Vice-President Adams was sorting through some papers when he found an original draft of the recipe for the hot dog by the Chef General.  Thinking this the work of President Washington’s personal chef (who was prone to leaving his papers around), Adams sent it to the man.

The chef’s name was Hercules, and surprisingly, he was a very literate slave that Washington had brought with him from Mount Vernon.  Hercules was astounded upon reading the recipe.  While he did not leave a personal diary, Martha Washington did, and historians believe that this was the scene when the chef read the recipe for the first time:

Suddenly, from the Kitchen, I heard a whoop…such as I had never heard before.  I rushed in to find Hercules grasping a Note…and I enquired as to what was the matter.  He responded that nothing was wrong but that the President would soon enjoy a Meal fit for a man of his esteemd [sic] Position.

Hercules prepared the first hot dog using scraps of meat from prior presidential dinners.  Anecdotally, Washington’s first taste of a hot dog was simply outstanding; in stories passed down orally through the governmental chef corps, the president exclaimed his approval of the food and demanded more as he scarfed down the rest of it.  Knowing how good it was, Washington later told Hercules that this meal would be a symbol of the fledgling nation, and as a show of respect for the country, each newly-elected president would dine on an “open-faced Columbia-meat sandwich” (the phrase “hot dog” would come into use with the food’s spread to the common people in the early 20th century).

-George Washington: none (condiments had not yet been discovered, although he preferred his with a nice brandy)
-Thomas Jefferson: a primitive form of ketchup which was more like crushed tomatoes in a tomato juice
-William Henry Harrison: no condiments, no bun
-Zachary Taylor: oddly, liked a fruit spread on a cold hot dog
-Millard Fillmore: didn’t like it, was a dick
-Ulysses S. Grant: mustard, onions, relish, no ketchup
-Grover Cleveland: ketchup, mustard, spicy relish, onions, a pickle, and another mystery relish
-Benjamin Harrison: ketchup, just ketchup
-William Howard Taft: another hot dog
-Calvin Coolidge: none, preferred to let the meat do the talking
-Jimmy Carter: it’s rather obvious–honey
-Ronald Reagan: American condiments
-Bill Clinton: whatever you want, baby, he’s fine with it

Past America Day columns:
Happy America Day 2010: Presidents’ Favorite America Day Pastimes
America Day 2009: This America Day in History

Presidents who Stole Your Girlfriend

June 3, 2011

-John Quincy Adams (had a swimmer’s body)
-Franklin Pierce (did it because he could)
-James Buchanan (it was an accident)
-James A. Garfield (let his biceps do the talking)
-Calvin Coolidge (it’s always the quiet ones)
-Bill Clinton (well, duh)

Great Presidential Quotes #1

February 23, 2011

“It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.”

– Bill Clinton, getting an A on his Philosophy 110 final

A Selection of Presidents who Like this Blog

September 17, 2010

-Thomas Jefferson (“My views on the musical stylings of the troupe Weezer were accurately reflected here, yes.”)
-Theodore Roosevelt (“A rousing good time!”)
-Bill Clinton (“It’s like he knows me.”)
-Calvin Coolidge (nodded approvingly)

Presidents’ Favorite Things to Grill

July 9, 2010

Dwight Eisenhower: hamburgers, hot dogs

Bill Clinton: chicken, boca sausages

Woodrow Wilson: pineapple, corn on the cob

Chester Alan Arthur: steak

Theodore Roosevelt*: zebra, moose

William Taft: anything

*Only grilled animals that he killed

Happy America Day 2010: Presidents’ Favorite America Day Pastimes

July 4, 2010

Once again, in honor of America Day, also known as Independence Day or Separation Sunday, LP looks back at those great moments associated with the day. This year, we present the favorite July 4th holiday pastimes of our most-esteemed presidents.

-George Washington: created makeshift pinatas of various British officers and threw Brit-bashing parties
-Thomas Jefferson: bought some property
-Andrew Jackson: in alternating years, he would either duel or invite the entire state of Tennessee to the White House for a party, consistently during which several pillars from the presidential mansion would go missing only to be found in various places around Washington (1829: the Potomac, 1831: O’Malley’s Tavern, 1835: in front of Congress)
-William Henry Harrison: would normally breathe
-Abraham Lincoln: would light fireworks off from his top hat
-Ulysses S. Grant: annually stopped laying siege to Vicksburg (after annually laying siege to Vicksburg a few months before hand)
-James A. Garfield: played some tackle football on the White House lawn, then some baseball, then he’d strap on some blades and play high-contact roller hockey in the White House Roller Hockey Rink (which he had installed), and then finish the day with a best-of-seven street-rules basketball series and a lemonade
-Chester A. Arthur: took a shot and toasted himself
-Theodore Roosevelt: did things so amazingly manly and awesome that to reprint them would be an affront to the Roosevelt estate, and even a mention of such things warrants an apology (those being the circumstances, the letter is in the mail)
-William Howard Taft: shifted in his seat
-Warren G. Harding: went to Toronto one year (it was ok)
-Herbert Hoover: lit his cigar with $100 bills
-Dwight D. Eisenhower: liked to add or take away a star on the flag each year to see if anyone would notice
-Jimmy Carter: celebrated the Fourth the traditional Georgia way, with peanuts and an ATV
-Ronald Reagan: would draw his face on $10 bills
-Bill Clinton: cannot remember

Initials Presidents Have Used to Enter Their High Scores on Pac-Man

April 28, 2010

-Ronald Reagan: RRR
-Dwight Eisenhower: POO
-Jimmy Carter: PNT
-Richard Nixon: CRK
-Bill Clinton: ASS

Things Clinton Wants to Ask You

January 18, 2010

-What does he have to do? (Oh, tell him now.)
-What does he have to do? (Yeah, tell him now.)
-What does he have to do? (He’d do anything.)
-What does he have to do? (He’d do it all.)
-What does he have to do? (He’d do it all for you.)
-What does he have to do? (He’d climb a mountain.)
-What does he have to do? (He’d cross the ocean.)
-What does he have to do? (He’d do it all.)
-What does he have to do to prove his love for you?

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