How to Celebrate Presidents’ Birthdays, Part 2

Today, we continue with our look at how and when to celebrate the birthdays of presidents who aren’t Lincoln or Washington.

July 11 – John Quincy Adams: Spread some rumors about the wife of the guy at work you don’t like.
July 14 – Gerald Ford: Tackle a Heisman winner.
August 10 – Herbert Hoover: Talk to your kids about the Hawley-Smoot Tariff.
August 19 – Bill Clinton: Be cool, man, just be cool.
August 20 – Benjamin Harrison: Enjoy the creme from some Oreos (or other comparable sandwich cookies).
August 27 – Lyndon B. Johnson: Get yourself some new tailored pants.
September 15 – William Howard Taft: Bust something large.
Ocotber 1 – Jimmy Carter: Peanut party! (With plenty of salt.)
October 4 – Rutherford B. Hayes: Make a compromise if you have the opportunity to.
October 5 – Chester A. Arthur: Shots!
October 14 – Dwight D. Eisenhower: Go to the beach.
October 27 – Theodore Roosevelt: Be a man all over the place.
October 30 – John Adams: Dress up as a lawyer and defend some Englishmen against public opinion.
November 2 – (Two options) James K. Polk: Discuss your property lines with your neighbors. Warren G. Harding: Abstain from drinking for a while, but sneak some when no one’s looking.
November 19 – James A. Garfield: Do some curls, play some football.
November 23 – Franklin Pierce: Look great, but make terrible decisions.
November 24 – Zachary Taylor: Cherries and milk for everyone!
December 5 – Martin van Buren: Grow some distinctive facial hair and talk about Andrew Jackson.
December 28 – Woodrow Wilson: Settle an argument between some friends.
December 29 – Andrew Johnson: Rebuild part of your house.

How to Celebrate Presidents’ Birthdays, Part 1

Washington and Lincoln have their birthdays celebrated in February, but unbeknownst to most Americans is when and how to celebrate the birthdays of the other presidents. This handy list should fit perfectly on refrigerators or taped to calendars.

January 7 – Millard Fillmore: Be a dick to everyone.
January 9 – Richard Nixon: Plant a tree. Or, protect a tree if it’s too cold out.
January 29 – William McKinley: Annex a series of tiny islands.
January 30 – Franklin D. Roosevelt: Do something fun and keep at it.
February 6 – Ronald Reagan: Have a movie marathon. Or sell some weapons to an Iranian.
February 9 – William Henry Harrison: Plan something, but stop doing it way too early.
March 15 – Andrew Jackson: Do what you feel like.
March 16 – James Madison: Confirm the fact that your parents can’t claim you as a dependent anymore by attempting to take control of their shed.
March 18 – Grover Cleveland: Grill the biggest burgers you can find. Do that for lunch, take a break, then do it for dinner as well.
March 29 – John Tyler: Create the circumstances to have a grandchild alive 150 years after your death.
April 13 – Thomas Jefferson: Buy a significant portion of land from the French. Or get to know a black lady.
April 23 – James Buchanan: Pick a fight with some Mormons.
April 27 – Ulysses S. Grant: Spend time with friends.
April 28 – James Monroe: Have some good feelings.
May 8 – Harry S Truman: Do something unexpected of you.
May 29 – John F. Kennedy: Remember the moon.
June 12 – George HW Bush: Note that today is the only presidential birthday in June, find it slightly interesting, and then forget it.
July 4 – Calvin Coolidge: Typical Independence Day fare, just be very quiet about it.

Presidents Buried in Arlington National Cemetery

-William Howard Taft
-John F. Kennedy
-Theodore Roosevelt*

*NOTE: In order to appease trivia-participators worldwide, Roosevelt posthumously had his burial site changed so his name would indeed be correct if the question “What two presidents are buried in Arlington National Cemetery?” (or variations thereof) ever was posed. Historians generally consider this the second to last great thing Roosevelt ever did.

Presidents without Vice Presidents (and Why), Part 1 of 3

-James Madison (1812-13, 1814-17): For about half his time in office, no man was ballsy enough to dare to be his VP.
-Andrew Jackson (1832-33): Actually shot John C. Calhoun on four separate occasions, three of which were unintentional.
-John Tyler (1841-45): Upon the death of William Henry Harrison, most politicians of the time believed that when the acting president died, the position died with him; thus, Tyler was still technically VP until he was retroactively promoted in 1917.
-Millard Fillmore (1850-53): No one then or now likes him. No one.
-Franklin Pierce (1853-57): They woke up in the same bed the morning after inauguration night. Pierce could deal with it. His VP couldn’t and resigned to save himself the awkwardness.

Presidents with the Strangest Nicknames

-Iron Butt (Richard Nixon)
-Uncle Cornpone (Lyndon Johnson)
-Wobbly Warren (Warren G. Harding)
-The Human Iceberg* (Benjamin Harrison)
-Uncle Jumbo (Grover Cleveland)
-Ten-Cent Jimmie (James Buchanan)
-His Rotundity (John Adams)
-Ol’ Woodbiter** (George Washington)

*NOTE: This might actually be kind of kickass.
**NOTE: This is the only fake one…the rest are true for once.